Okay, my favorite story of the week is about the reported argument between George Clooney and Fabio. I know, right?
Here's what the mags are talking about this week:
In Touch claims that the two got in a fight after George asked Fabio's dinner companion to stop taking pictures of him and his girlfriend. Fabio denied they were taking pictures of them and then ... it became heated. They started to argue and George pushed Fabio! But then some stupid waiters had to go and break it up. But the BEST part of the story is this quote: "Fabio's manager tells In Touch that the star [and by "star" they mean "cheesy romance novel coverboy"] doesn't want to comment except to say, 'George is lucky he didn't end up in the ER.'" He sure is, Fabio.
Us Weekly's cover story about Britney centers on the negative report she received from the parenting coach who was sent to observe her. The fact that she left the two boys with this woman while she went chandelier shopping probably didn't help her cause. "Um, I totally swear that I'm like a really good Mom, ya know? But, um, could you just like watch Sean and um, that other one, while I run into this, um, lighting store. It's, like, super-important that I, like, find some really cool light fixtures, like, um, today. Oh, and just give them a Coke or a Snickers bar if they start to cry. That always works."
Julia Roberts is the latest star to express compassion for Britney, saying in a recent interview, "I see and hear what's happening to Britney Spears and it's all I can do not to move her into my guesthouse and say, 'Okay, this is how it's going to be!' And just take care of her." I think I speak on behalf of all of America when I say, Julia, please do this. Immediately!
Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are reportedly dating. How does a guy date Sheryl Crow and Tory Burch and then move on to Ashley Olsen? It's just not right.
Katie Holmes ran the marathon this week after training for only two to three months, and Tom was right there waiting for her at the finish line. That's when she realized ... she's going to have to run a lot farther than 26.2 miles to get away from him.
Katie is reportedly nervous over a new tell-all book about her little husband. Quoting the publisher, In Touch tells us the book, written by Andrew Morton, promises "many new revelations" about Tom's past. Will it include the real truth about their marriage? About whether or not there really is a contract between them? About why he and Nicole adopted? I'm going to pre-order from Amazon right now.
Owen Wilson is flirting with a lot of women right now, including Jessica Simpson, with whom he had a dinner date last week. Um, is this part of his therapy?
There's an interesting little feud brewing between "We Own the Night" co-stars Eva Mendes and Joaquin Phoenix. It's rumored that the two didn't get along at all on the set, and recently Eva told a reporter that filming with Joaquin was "like working with a puppy dog or a 2-year-old." Joaquin apparently is not a fan of puppy dogs or toddlers, as he was quite insulted by the quote. He responded, "My apologies, Eva, but I had a few scenes that you weren't in. The puppy dog had a lot of work to do!" SNAP! (I always wanted to say that.)
Newlyweds Kate Walsh and her husband were spotted making out full-on in an L.A. grocery store. Can I just say - eww. She annoys me a little bit more each week.
Ian Ziering made a guest appearance at the launch party for "The Simpsons Game" video game. Wow, I didn't realize it was possible to fall even farther than "Dancing With the Stars."
Hayden Panettiere recently protested the slaughtering of dolphins by participating in a dangerous, in-water rally against local fishermen in Japan. It's cute that dolphins are her cause.
Jonathan Rhys Meyers says, "Brad Pitt is an incredible actor, but do you think he'd be a famous movie star if he didn't look like that?" Um, there are actually other famous movie stars that don't look like Brad Pitt.
Christina Aguilera confirmed her pregnancy this week. Phew, that solves THAT mystery.
I know that most people feel that when it comes to beauty, Kate Moss can "do no wrong," but I'm pretty sure that when she cut those bangs, she proved those people wrong.
Christina Applegate was spotted canoodling with her ex, Johnathon Schaech, this weekend. Maybe they were celebrating the finalization of their bitter divorce.
Shia LaBeouf was arrested for reportedly refusing to leave a Walgreens pharmacy. If he's looking to shed that "squeaky clean" image of his, he's going to have to do a little better than that.
Rosie O'Donnell is in negotiations with MSNBC to host a new nightly talk show. Bore McSnore.
Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo were photographed in Puerto Rico this week. For two people who don't really work, they sure do take a lot of vacations.
Star and Life & Style's cover stories report more Brangelina drama about Angie getting "too close" to her bodyguard and humiliating Brad by passionately kissing her co-star. Whatever.
Words I taught my spell-check include: Fabio!
Signing off with a quote,
"Fire and swords are slow engines of destruction, compared to the tongue of a gossip."
Richard Steele Sr.
Really? I'm pretty sure those fires caused more distress in Malibu last week than did Star Magazine.
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